High and Far

We started as kids
Not knowing what we wanted to do

Not knowing who we were.

All we knew is that we had to leave.
All we knew is that we had to learn.

So we traveled High and Far
We traveled in search of ourselves

Along the way, we got beaten down
Crushed
Broken
And abandoned

But, at the end of every day, we still had each other

Through bad haircuts, bad judgement, and terrible jokes

We could sit around that jungle gym and laugh despite the bruises, cuts, and pain.

Even when our glorious journey ended
Even when we thought that was all

We kept meeting.
We kept laughing

We laughed in the face of danger
Poverty
And despair.

And I was never so proud.

Will of Fire

They clashed. Their screams echoed over the world. With their cries of pain and anguish, animals died, men cried, and children covered their ears. Yet, one stepped forward to seal the dueling dragons away. The king of those long forgotten people sealed them in a pit, hoping their war would never be brought back to this world. But of course, man is curious, and soon they’d be released.

This time was different. The Red Dragon flew up high above its White counterpart, diving down at it with a ferocity unmatched by any man or animal. And so it was that the White Dragon was cast down. Those villagers looked to the Red Dragon as a God. They saw it as a symbol.

And it was there that the Will of Fire was born.

Through no cunning.

No Wisdom.

Nothing but bravery and will

And a ferocity matched only by that of Y Ddraig Goch himself

They triumphed.

They formed their own land.

They knew victory and power.

So it would forever be that no man, nor woman nor child should ever give up.

No one would die on their knees!

All would live as equals, bound together by a Will of Fire.

They all knew that to give up would be to admit defeat.

And we’d rather die than surrender.

Our hearts are surrounded by the eternal flame of that great Red Dragon, and, with every beat, we feel those flames lick at our hearts.

And that keeps us moving on.

It’s Physically Impossible

Love is rare. It is a resource more highly coveted than oil, more scarce than diamonds, and more treasured than gold.

I can’t say I’ve ever really found it.

Sure, I’ve seen it peek its head nervously out of another’s heart only just to peek out and retreat back in.

Of course, I’ve written about it, read about it, and, most importantly, felt it.

But I’ve never held it in my own two hands.

Even more mythical than love is love at first sight.

And, yet, somehow, I found it.

But it’s not possible! It couldn’t be. Even though you may be the most gorgeous sight on this planet

Even though you might make my heart freeze with anticipation and fear

Even though your words flow smoothly and work their way onto a page with such ease that it blows me a way,

It can’t be true.

Though I once had fallen from grace, you show me that the way back up to the top is not so far away.

Though I once thought me invincible and a God amongst others, you show me I am no better than the rest.

You humble me.

Homesick

Bring me back home.

Take me back to the sprawling fields, the hills that stretch to the coast.

Take me to the place that knows no war, no anger, and no hatred.

Take me home.

I wish to go to a place where there are more sheep than people, where the national sports are futbol and rugby.

I wish to go to a place where I’m always proud, always happy.

I miss the Magnificent Red Dragon.

I miss my home.

I miss Wales.

No Title Can Express My Hate

I’ve never understood the true nature of emotions. I know that I have them; I know that sometimes I wish I didn’t.

When I look at you, someone I used to feel so strongly for, I wonder how I could hate you. It was fine that you wasted my time, and it was fine that you left me…but you should have told me how you felt instead of just breaking my heart.

“So why,” I yell at you, “Why didn’t you just come out and say it?! Why were you such a coward?!”

But you never face me. You never meet my gaze.

“Why didn’t you want me,” I whisper, walking up to you and grabbing your shoulder.

As I turn you around, I can see you’re crying, but that only makes me hate you more.

I never wanted to hate someone especially not you, but I feel as if I have to.

Because if I don’t I’ll just love you again.

Don’t forgive me if I fight him. Don’t ignore the fact that I hate you both. I don’t care if you still care about me.

….but I do. I desperately want you to come back.

Maybe all I need is a hug and a voice in my ear saying that it’s all okay.

But I don’t have that luxury. So I’ll have to stick up for myself. I’ll have to be strong on my own.

Sociopath

What does it mean To be different from all of them?

Do I have to be this way?

I am a man of many faces. I am a man that has no personality.

It evolves. It changes. In every situation I feel myself changing and changing.

And when I’m alone, I’m no one. I just sit there, a hollow shell of a man with nothing but his thoughts.

And sometimes, not even those.

What does it mean? What does it mean to be insane?

I refuse to go to a hospital. I refuse to be called names and examined.

I’ll sit behind this computer, easily fitting in to society.

And slowly, ever so slowly, I’ll go break down. I’ll break down until there’s nothing left and I’m just a mad, rambling man.

Beyond Caring

I’ve been pushed to the edge time and time again.

I’ve been pissed off.

I’ve been hurt and angry.

All of us have. But it takes a special kind of person to push me over the edge.

It takes a special kind of person to make me stop caring.

But, as God as my unwavering witness, you’ve done it.

I was taught to love everyone and everything even if they hurt me or others.

Everyone has their reasons, and there is always something to love about them.

But I truly believe there’s nothing I could love about you anymore.

So what do I do now? Do I change my name? Can I no longer be the Fair and Light?

But that’s just my mind talking.

My heart, as fragmented as it may be, still tells me to love you.

It tells me to journey on and wade through the marshes of anger and pain.

“With everything that sets me back, I push back harder to clear the way. There’s not a thing I regret. Can’t live my life in yesterday.”

That’s what I’ve always told myself. But with you I keep going back to the past.

I keep looking over all the bad times I put you through and you put me through.

I guess that’s what love is, but how can it be when both of us suffer through what seems like everyday.

Maybe. Just maybe it’s because I’m too far gone.

Is it all my fault?

Could I have done something different?

“Why God? Why have you cursed me like this?!”

I wish to scream to the high heavens of divine providence and eternal love.

But I cannot blame anyone but myself.

I’m sorry.

Truly I am.

For what I became was truly neither fair nor light.